How Will I Love my Next Baby as Much as My First?
It’s no surprise that many parents worry about loving their second child as much as their first. They worry about whether they have enough time, physical and emotional energy, and enough love to give two children their best.
When you hold your first baby, you realize that the love you have experienced until that moment is a shallow experience.
And it’s a scary experience to realize that you are capable of such a depth of emotion that can convince you to go on when you are dead on your feet and that the same emotion can absolutely destroy you.
It’s no wonder that we doubt whether we can experience that depth of emotion again. It’s natural to fear we won’t experience that transformation again, to fear that you won’t be able to balance the needs of both of your children.
The good news is that that fear shows you already do. You absolutely can and will love subsequent children just like your first.
Love is dynamic. It can expand like a balloon. And it’s going to transform you just like with your first child.
You are going to find watching your children interact with each other is its own special piece of heaven. Their fights will bring you a completely novel type of pain. And watching them succeed together is much better than your own success.
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But that certainly doesn’t mean it will be easy. As a mom of five, I am going to give you some pointers to make take the edge off.
1. Be ready to grieve the transition from baby to big sibling. Check out my Instagram post to see how I grieved our most recent baby to big sibling transition. This is a big deal. You are going to miss those days when you could just focus everything you have on one baby. Take lots of pictures, every opportunity to cuddle, and make some special memories together.
2. Prepare your oldest for the transition. Talk to them about the practical and emotional differences they will experience. Tell them things like:
You’ll be tired from staying up and may get grumpy.
You may not be able to do their favorite things for a while, and it’s ok if they get sad or frustrated because of it.
Explain how the baby will need a lot of attention (feeding, changing, dressing, buckling into the seat, etc). And how it may make them feel jealous. Explain this is normal and talk about ways to deal with it.
Explain how there will be a lot they CAN’T do with the baby (pick the baby up, share their food, run or jump around the baby) etc so they know exactly what is expected around the baby.
3. I also recommend learning nursery rhymes and games like peek a boo or itsy bitsy spider for you to encourage your older child to play with the baby from the very beginning. Making sure to include the big sibling in a fun way will help them feel included amid all the excitement for the new baby. And it gives them something to show the visitors so they don’t feel left out.
For more help on preparing your first for their sibling, I highly recommend Janet Lansbury and the RIE method of parenting. I have successfully used many of the practical tools with my own kids.
Do you have a favorite way to teach your kids to play with little siblings? Let us know below!
