How You Can Talk to Your Kids About Bullying
When our children approach school-age, it’s natural to be concerned about bullying. When my seven-year-old first started kindergarten, I would welcome her off the bus with the standard round of questioning, “How was your day? What did you learn in class? Did you play with anyone new at recess?”
As the days passed, she began dragging her feet getting out of bed in the morning, taking extra long to finish her breakfast before heading to the bus, so we’d rush to the stop and she’d hop on quickly before it pulled away. I thought that asking these questions would be enough to gauge whether she was enjoying her time in school, and more importantly, whether she had any issues with anyone else. As any other then-five-year-old would respond, she gave me the standard one-word answers, “Good. Nothing. No.”
It took me a few days to realize, I’m not asking the right questions! The answers I got once I changed the conversation were not what I was expecting, so I realized I needed to do better. There isn’t just ONE discussion you should have with your child, but rather an ongoing conversation with them. We need to normalize talking about how we’re feeling, and the things we’ve experienced on any given day that have left an impression.
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Some starter questions to ask your children:
“What was your favorite part of your day today?”
“What is something you hope goes better tomorrow?”
“Did you notice anyone being left out from activities and playtime? How do you think you’d feel if someone didn’t ask you to play? Maybe you can make an effort to include them.”
“Can you tell me something someone did that made you smile today? You should say that to them. People love to be complemented.”
“How can you react if you see someone do something that makes you uncomfortable?”
This last question is an excellent opportunity to discuss ways of reporting issues to teachers. We talk about behaviors that are unacceptable and when to approach a trusted adult. We talk about empathy and thinking about how we feel when we act in specific ways. The child that snatched something out of your hands might have a sibling at home who treats them that way. The child who snapped at you might be scared, or sad. We talk about consent and intervening when we see someone else acting unfairly towards others.
It’s important to remember that children will mimic our interactions with the environment. The way we treat them is the way that they’ll treat others. Having patience, and especially apologizing when we make mistakes, is so vital. I don’t just talk about how to interact when she meets a bully, but we also talk about how to avoid BEING a bully to others.
