The Sexiest Gift I've Ever Given My Husband...

Willow Grace

About 10 months ago, in preparation for the arrival of our third son, we swapped bedrooms with our tween boys so they could have the bigger bedroom to share with the baby. The biggest drawback? Our new room lacks a door that locks.

It's one a.m. and my husband finally comes to bed. He's been asleep on the couch for the last three hours, although he'll deny it if questioned. He lays down, curling up next to me, giving me all the signals that he wants to do more than sleep tonight. I am always game for his advances, but before anything gets started the baby wakes. He's in need of a diaper change and a bottle.

When I return to bed we simply snicker at the baby's impeccable timing, attempting to pick up where we left off we continue on. Not five minutes later the 10 year old is awake, clomping into the bathroom right next to our room. By now the dog is currently asleep at the end of the bed. At some point the 12 year old gets out of bed to find the dog to give him a hug (insert eye roll). All I can think is, it's after one in the morning, get the fuck to bed. He eventually wanders back to his own room.

We lay there talking for a few and the moment my husband puts his hands on me the dog is there in his face, fucking howling. Doing our best to ignore the beast, we continue to try to connect, laughing at our ridiculous life. Do we ever accomplish the task at hand? Not really. We decided the universe was against us.

Some people may think this is crazy, but we just call it typical. Until last night. I gave my husband a gift we have needed for 10 months: I changed out the door handle on our bedroom door for a new handle that locks. He was so excited you would have thought I had agreed to his wildest fantasies. He might have even shed a tear.

So, after months of more failed attempts than successes we tried again last night. We preemptively fed and changed the baby. Then we shut and locked the door. The dog may have gone a little crazy howling and scratching to be let in. We lay in bed laughing at the love song we had in the background. We were able to tune out the rest of the house, and hours later, we declared the night a success.