I Left my Ex-Husband and The Personal Transformation is Huge
Who I was and who am I now?
Oof. What a loaded topic! The most pivotal moment in my recent life history was when I decided to leave my now ex-husband in 2015. So let’s talk about who I was then, shall we? On the surface my life looked amazing. I was a stay-at-home mum who was travelling the world. We were on holiday nearly every month. And I don’t mean just travelling around, I mean we were staying in five star hotels and flying business class everywhere with our two kids. I was able to travel home to the States multiple times a year- and yes- parts of it were great… I mean who doesn’t want to stay in a five star resort in Dubai and Bermuda and then travel to Iceland at Christmas to see the northern lights? I am forever grateful that my ex-husband took us on all these holidays- but inside I was miserable and I had no idea why.
I was seeing a therapist at the time and she kept subtly and not so subtly pointing out that I wanted to travel all the time because I wanted to distract myself from my reality. She knew I wasn’t happy- but I just chalked it up to SAHM boredom and living in a perpetually grey and cold country.
She was right. She didn’t quite grasp the extent of how right she was, nor did she grasp the extent of how much of a lie we were living. I won’t use this post to slag off my ex- but let’s just say that making the decision to walk away from that marriage was the best decision I have ever made- and it certainly wasn’t an easy one; I was completely dependent on that man financially and practically. I honestly had no idea how I would cope without him. He had complete control over all of the bills, the mortgage, my phone, my car- everything- and I had no income and was home educating our two children. I was also in a completely different country than the rest of my family.
What had happened was I started volunteering in a refugee camp in Calais in Northern France in September 2015 and I just couldn’t agree with the lifestyle we had been leading. I couldn’t justify all the money he was spending on a holiday when I knew how far I could make it go in the camp. It was the wakeup call I needed to realise that I was living a lie- and that I truly wasn’t happy with the man I married. I still didn’t know why- I didn’t know that my entire marriage was an abusive and dysfunctional mess, I learned all that later- and I am so happy for all of the lessons I have learned since.
This brings us to who I am now. I am a very different person than I was then. I am now solely responsible for my two children due to my ex-husband making the decision to no longer be a part of their lives in any way, shape or form. Me of three years ago could never imagine being on my own with my two kids, whilst working, paying the bills, finishing off this divorce, and simultaneously being married to a man that I can’t yet live with thanks to the hoop jumping that is a spouse visa. I have grown so much as a result of this decision to leave the man I married and had children with. I have learned just how capable I am- how strong I am- and how much I actually want to be a part of my children’s lives. I never knew I could do this- I used to want to run away all the time and actually described myself as “pathetic” to my therapist. That was the word I actually chose to describe myself! I nearly lost all of my self-esteem and my desire to live in that marriage- and now I can say that having to overcome every single obstacle that man has thrown in my way has been a blessing; I have risen to the occasion and won’t be stopping anytime soon. I have my kids and my new husband, my wonderful friends and family, and now and I am almost- almost free.