I’m a big feelings person. My husband likes to use the word extreme. I do not like a song, I love a song. I know all of the lyrics, I sing along (and loudly).
I’ve spent years and years apologizing for my big feelings. I’ve spent most of my life trying in vain to squish my exuberant self into a convenient box that was understandable and acceptable to others around me.
I’m done apologizing for the things that make me, me. I will be myself and all that that encompasses.
And that means:
I will weep, openly, to each and every sad and happy tv show episode and movie that deeply moves me. This includes and is not limited to Jim and Pam’s wedding in the Office, the entirety of Schindler’s List, every episode of Queer Eye, all of This Is Us and Boys Town with Mickey Rooney and Spencer Tracey.
I will appear as excited or upset or angry or sad as I am feeling. This may mean a loud vocal volume, tears, hand gestures and exaggerated facial expressions.
I will not apologize for passionately fighting for causes I believe in, the basic human rights of others, no matter their sexual orientation, gender expression, religion, race or immigration status.
I will not “calm down”, ignore and not speak out against, shout against, rail against, hatred, bigotry, racism, classism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, discrimination and segregation.
I will speak up when someone has treated me wrongly. I will speak up when someone has treated someone I love wrongly. And I will not be meek or quiet when I do so.
I will feel deeply. Deep, deep, deeply. I will swoon over Pride and Prejudice and Sense and Sensibility and Mansfield Park and all things Jane Austen. I will come this close to crying every time I hear Canon in D. Every. Time. I will get into heated arguments with those I love when they use racist words and phrases. I will throw myself into projects I am passionate about. I will never stop trying to make you feel as passionately about said projects as I do.
I will wax on poetically about the things I love. The things I hate. The things I care about. I will do so loudly, at long length with wide eyes and sweeping gestures. I’ll do so even if it’s awkward and uncomfortable for others.
Because this is who I am. I am full of love, full of big feelings, full of loud noises and rambling conversations, full of passion. And I am done apologizing.