Internet Dating: One Successful Online Match Answers Your Questions

My husband and I have been married for almost three years, and together for four and a half. Whenever people ask us how we met, they are surprised to hear our answer: “Eharmony.”

We met online, went on our first date three weeks later, and got engaged a year later, so obviously it worked out pretty well for us. Internet dating doesn’t carry the stigma that it did 10 years ago, but it’s still just a little bit “weird” to a lot of people. So today Adam and I will answer the most common questions people have about internet dating.

Q: How long did you get to know each other before meeting in person?

A: We talked online and texted for about three weeks before we went on our first date. I jokingly tell him now that it took long enough for him to ask me out! -Brooke

Q: Where did you have your first dates? Did you live near each other or have to travel to meet?

A: Our first date was a movie and dinner, our second date was lunch and a Christmas tree festival,  our third date was another movie and dinner. We lived about 100 miles apart, so the first two were in my town, and the third was in his town. After that we pretty much just alternated locations.

Q: Did you feel anxiety?

A: “YES. He was the first person I had ever dated; it was the first date I had ever been on! I remember driving to the movie theater thinking, what am I doing? Am I crazy? This is crazy. I was so nervous that I hid in my car and waited until I thought I saw him walk in. I’m not sure why? I guess I thought it would be less stressful to be the second person to get there for some reason.” -Brooke

“I don’t remember aside from thinking it was a long drive.” -Adam

Q: What kind of things did they ask you for?

A: “A basic profile of yourself which you could put as little or as much information in as you wanted. I remember the big things being if you were okay with people who smoked or drank alcohol, how far away you were willing to travel, and what ages of people you wanted to be matched with.” -Brooke

“A lot of your likes and dislikes, stuff that you are really passionate about, religion and religious preferences, and photographs are really important. Some people might say that’s shallow, but photographs helped me know that I was talking to a real person.” -Adam

Q: What things did you have in common to spark interest in meeting up?

A: “The second I read Adam’s profile I knew I was interested. He knew how to spell and use proper grammar. No kidding, that was the first thing I noticed. I also like that he was a reader, was homeschooled, and seemed like family and faith were important to him.” -Brooke

“I knew we both were into comics; I knew she liked to read and I think she had on her profile that she was an author. We also had similar entertainment (movie and TV) interests.” -Adam

Q: Would you recommend the experience or do you think it was a fluke?

A: “A little of both, actually. I think the internet can be an excellent way to meet someone if you know yourself really well and know what you do and do not want. I also think there was definitely some help from above in our case. We were matched after I had been on eHarmony for literally two weeks, and Adam hadn’t been looking at it much lately, but he just happened to look at it that day.” -Brooke

“I would recommend it. But it’s like anything else when you’re meeting people: go to a reputable site, take the time to get to know the person, and make sure you’re meeting a real person.” -Adam

Q: Did you come across a lot of “creeps” as in bad pick up lines and profiles that didn’t match up with who the person actually was or what they look like?

A: There were definitely some weird profiles out there, but they were usually pretty easy to spot. I didn’t personally talk to any people like that. -Brooke

“I didn’t, but then again I was also a guy looking for women. I didn’t really come across that many people that I talked to on a one-on-one basis.” -Adam

Q: Did you meet multiple people?

A: “I talked to a couple other guys before I was matched with Adam, but I could quickly see they weren’t going to go anywhere and I never met up with them in person.” -Brooke

“I think over the entire time I was on eharmony (off and on over a 5-year period), it was three people that I talked to and exchanged emails with, but I could see after a while that it wasn’t going to go anywhere and I never met up with any of them in real life.” -Adam

Q: Did you instantly know there was something there, or was it more like, they’re cool, let’s see where this goes?


A: “I knew as soon as I read his profile that I was interested in him. I really enjoyed talking to him, and I don’t really remember doing much more looking after we started actually going out.” -Brooke

“I remember when I read her profile and saw her photographs I thought, ‘This is someone that is really cool and I’d like to meet them,’ but I don’t feel like it was ‘love at first sight.’” -Adam

Q: When you met, did you find it awkward or difficult at all since you didn’t have any shared childhood/school/work friends like some other people who meet through friends or acquaintances do?

A: “I don’t think it was any more awkward than “regular” dating. We had enough shared interests that we were able to bond over that pretty quickly.” -Brooke

“No. And a lot of people don’t meet their spouse until college anyway, so most couples don’t necessarily have shared friends.” -Adam

Q: Was it awkward to tell people you met online?

A: “At first I felt a little bit weird about it just because I think I was afraid people were going to judge me for it? But it was no big deal so now I don’t find it awkward. I also think meeting your partner online is getting way more common.” -Brooke

“No, actually I had a harder time saying I was on eharmony specifically than I did telling people we met online.” -Adam

Q: What was the hardest thing about online dating?

A: “At first the hardest part was just sifting through profile after profile and having to try and figure out if it was a person I liked based on just a small amount of information. After we started dating the hardest part was having a long-distance relationship. The constant driving back and forth and only being able to see each other once a week got really hard.” -Brooke

“Probably the waiting for communication and the distance. Once we started communicating by texting and Facebook it was a lot more instant, but on eharmony you had to really wait for the person to log back on and get back to you.” -Adam

.new, bduke, columnists