I Left the United States with my Kids- Let Me Telling You About Surviving the USA

Last night my six year old woke up crying. I went to his room and he was sobbing in my arms that he misses living in the USA. I was waiting for that. I was waiting for at least one of my kids to break down and wanting to go back. I took him to my bed, we snuggled and we talked.

He is missing his friend. He is missing the big yard that we had. His pirate ship in the front yard, with the zipline. The museum. The science center. That people understand him when he talks.

We left the USA about six month ago and moved to Germany. This is where I was born and where I lived, before we moved to the USA 2011 to be with my kids’ dad. My son was just a year old, when his dad died of cancer. The only memories he has, are the stories his sister and I tell him. Missing someone you didn’t know, but who is meant to be the world to you, must be hard…

We tried a new start a year after my husband’s death and in 2015 moved to North Carolina, and left the Michigan winters and all my friends behind. It was hard. We moved from a beautiful 3000 sq ft log cabin to a 900 sq ft double wide. We managed. We made new wonderful friends. I built a business. We got horses. We were fine.

Then my au pair was not allowed to enter the USA again. And Donald Trump became president. And I was alone and terrified.

My anxiety peeked, when an ex tried to call CPS on me, because I dared to call the police on him, after trying to steal my horses. He had no ground, of course, but the threat alone is enough. I am an immigrant, and while my kids have citizenship, I only have a green card. Any involvement of CPS is the threat to have my kids taken…while I am being sent to Germany. I would not see them again.

My child being transgender and me being a loud advocate, didn’t always bring me friends. In Facebook groups, people threatened me for ‘abusing my child’ and tried AGAIN to get them taken by CPS. A doctor refused to treat my child, because his beliefs didn’t conform. A twisted ankle. A frigging twisted ankle and he didn’t even look at her, because she has a penis!

Those threads and the regular ICE roundups from the Trump-administration made me become so anxious and depressed, that we hardly left the house. I was paralyzed.

So I decided to leave.

Yes, baby, I understand what you miss… I miss my friends. I miss my horses. I miss our space.

But I don’t miss the terror that got me, when there was an unexpected knock on our door. I don’t miss my heart dropping, when they told me at the airport, that you couldn’t fly with me, because of a passport error. I see the government shutdown and I am glad that we made it out. As a family. I don’t miss, having to check my bank account before I take you to the ER. I don’t miss not being able to see a doctor because I can’t afford it. I don’t miss worrying about the food you eat.

We are lonely, but safe. Let’s go from there….

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