I'm a Single Mom in the Dating World, and Let Me Tell You...Men Need Feminism
A special thanks to the sponsor for this post, the artists and makers of beautiful skin products at Sinful Skin Candy.
Feminism is crucial. For men!
My dating profile is crickets. I have cute pictures. I am smart. I am confident. I am funny. I have no problems charming anyone to death who comes my way… But I also have written in the ‘what are you looking for?’-section the following:
I am looking for an anti-racist-pro LGBT-Feminist.
Yeah… that was pretty much the death sentence! While I get a few messages from social justice warriors (they are not), if I get a comment about the feminist part, it sounds mostly like this:
“Never had a good d*ck, hum?”
“Need someone to show you what a real man is?”
“Another frigid p*ss*?”
Let me be clear: You have to pay around $80 or more a month to be able to message on this platform! And this is how they spend it! Instead on moving on, they decide to insult. Just by my words put out there (not even criticizing, just voicing my need), they feel so threatened that they have to open the fire.
Those are the same men who don’t understand why women are so angry, and are done with dating them. They don’t understand how their words are poisoning their own relationships. They don’t see anything wrong by treating their girlfriends like shit, while playing the big hero for their daughters, by threatening their boyfriends.
They don’t understand that the circle isn’t really a circle. Because it has a beginning. It begins with patriarchy and toxic masculinity, that is poisoning men and women the same way.
Before someone screams #notallmen, I have to say: yes! All of them. Even the really, really caring and good ones. And #allwomen are part of it, too. Because this system can only hold up, when it is carried by both sides. It is not only men who victim shame and teach their daughters how to behave and how to prevent rape. It is also women who fail to teach their sons to respect others and learn about consent.
Our crazy views on masculinity and female attributes are slowly poisoning the world. Some women are waking up and demanding to be listened to and believed. But even we don’t know how to stand up for ourselves, because this systems is internalized by everyone.
For now, we need men to listen to us, when we say: this was not ok! They need to support us in our efforts to clean up this mess, trusting us, that we know what we are doing.
Because in the end, this will lead to more understanding and love on both sides. Acceptance and most important SAFETY! A world where it is easier to sort the bad guys out from the good guys.
And I think down the road, with the erasure of the idea of a stronger, more successful, better gender, we can open up our minds to the idea that people are people, and gender (and especially a binary gender system) is just a power construct made up to keep someone under control. As strong individuals that are viewed as more than their genitalia, we are unstoppable.
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