Dear Working Husband: Your Complaining Isn't Fair, and It's Hurting Me
To My Amazing Working Husband, I Love You But...
First of all, I love you. You’re my best friend and my absolute favorite person in this exhausting and chaotic world. You work at least forty-six hours a week, often times more, never less, so I’m constantly missing you. You deal with an assortment of assholes all day long and by the time you get home, you’re exhausted. Also by the time you get home, I’m exhausted from housework and being a mother to three children (my own adorable assortment of assholes): wiping butts, making multiple meals, being a referee (and BOY do I referee!), a chauffeur, a tutor, and more. Much more.
So when you make comments like “it’s been a while since we’ve vacuumed” it fucking hurts. It’s insulting. For your information, I had vacuumed two days ago. I’m sorry our toddler stomped on some pretzels and I haven’t had the energy to pull the vacuum out after putting our other child—with a 103 fever I might add—into a room temperature bath to cool him down faster. I get you’re at work all day long, but your days off do not mean days off of life completely. Instead of commenting on the state of the kitchen rug, you could get the goddamn vacuum yourself and go to town. That would never offend me.
Waking up next to our toddler with a face full of dried snot and our bed sheets caked with mucus, the last thing I want to find is the bathroom sink and mirror covered in blood spatter from our daughter’s nosebleed during the night. You apologized, admitting you were half asleep when it went down. How am I supposed to feel safe from a home invasion in the middle of the night? “Oh, sorry you were stabbed, I was half asleep.” In retrospect, I suppose I am a little grateful you left it for me because then I could properly clean it with bleach and not just a wet rag.
Don’t get me wrong, I know how blessed and lucky I am to be able to stay home and be with our children, to be the main one to raise them into hopefully decent adults. And I’m especially adamant on making sure our boys grow up to help their own partners around the house instead of nitpicking the chores that have not been completed. See a full sink? Put the dishes in the dishwasher. The dishwasher is full of clean dishes? Great! Put them away. Don’t even get me started on the trash you leave on the counter, literally a foot away from the garbage can. So next time you want to make comment about something that generally falls to me regarding household chores, pull your own weight first. If you don’t know what clearly needs to be done, just ask. I’m sure I have a list. No, I definitely have a list.
Since you’re not the one constantly wiping other people’s asses all day, I wouldn’t comment again about crumbs on a rug. Here’s a life hack; if it bothers you enough to comment on it, take care of it yourself.
Your Stay-at-Home Spouse