No, I am Not Celebrating Elizabeth Warren’s Announcement

Heather Horrell

Elizabeth Warren announced her bid for the presidency this morning. While the DNC may be celebrating the Senator’s official proclamation, many of us progressives are decidedly unhappy and as fully unenthusiastic as one can be. As a matter of fact, a fair few of my liberal (I am using this descriptive loosely to identify pretty much everyone who isn’t an elephant) friends and peers discussed this inevitability with disappointment at both the party and the old fu*$ks who insist on staying the same old orthodox track.

“But she is more than qualified!” I keep hearing. Yea, and so was Hillary Clinton, but in case you haven’t studied human history, nor listened to the eons of stories passed down from our forefathers and theirs, women-identifying folk don’t fare too well. It doesn’t matter how many degrees/commendations are lurking in their briefcase. Even if both were the Virgin Mary, their icky vaginas precludes them from presidency, dontcha know.

Icky vaginas aside, we need candidates who are electable if we stand any chance of overthrowing America’s self-imposed boy king. People like Elizabeth Warren are polarizing. For that reason, she stands what feels like a 0% chance of turning that throne. Democrats, progressives, and liberals will vote for whatever candidate is put forth whenever they feel held hostage by shitty choices. But we don’t have to be happy about it. We are survivalists. If our basic human rights are protected and there is some semblance of a social safety net, we can scrape by. The DNC and the democratic candidates who recognize that the GOP has gone off the rails know this. They know they are tying our hands. They know the only cookie in this potluck is upholding the facade that they retain some sanity.

We progressives are ready for actual, tangible change, and not the band-aid fixes that these supposed “top-picks” represent. All of them. Harris. Booker. Kennedy. Please. for the love of Cthulu, not another Kennedy, even if they are America’s Crown Jewels. You cannot separate human rights, social safety, police brutality, healthcare for all, and the plethora of rights we deserve by virtue of humanity, from money. Economy cannot be extradited from the individual symptoms. It is the root of the problem. Sovereignty and freedom from oppression won’t come so long our elected leaders benefit from the very structure of that power. As long as people are corporations, and thus are shielded from the consequences of colonialism  capitalism, laws/amendments/bills will continue to uphold the status quo and the people who propose them. This is why having to vote for such candidates pisses us off.

This brings me to salient point. Independents don’t have the kind of power nor the resources needed to elect that mythical third-party candidate. It sucks, but it is what it is. Sure, it would be fanfuckingtastic to have a plethora of options, but again, this is a symptom of late-stage capitalism and its relationship with election funding. Here we are again, in Hilary 2016 land. It would make much more sense if independent candidates and the DNC worked together to present an actually electable candidate. One who could start the process of dismantling everything.  If you can’t beat em’, join em’. We can’t afford for “principle” voters to cost us. At this point, it has to be this way, otherwise there are two options: see a repeat of 2016 (say “hi” to another four years of orange tyranny) or prepare for a full-on revolution a la French style.

lifestyle.