Parenting Confessions: My Life as a First Time Mom

written by Laura Dupuis

I became a mom on February 1st, 2018, three days after I was due. In the weeks leading up to my daughter Violet’s arrival, people would constantly ask me, “Are you excited?”

“I guess,” I answered. Not because I wasn’t looking forward to meeting her but because I wasn’t a parent yet. I knew our lives would change but I didn’t know the details. I didn’t know if she’d be a easy or difficult sleeper, or colicky, or just generally unhappy. I wasn’t scared; I knew we could handle it. But it was weird. I would go from pregnant to having a tiny little human to take care of in moments, and to dwell on that made my brain hurt.

Fast forward to a few days later at home. My mom had flown out from British Columbia to “help out” for a few days. I use quotations because my husband had taken 3 weeks off, and already does the cooking, so there wasn’t really anything for her to do. And it turned out that Violet was a fantastic sleeper (once we discovered the magic of swaddle sacks and white noise) and just an all-around very chill baby.

The baby blues, as they’re called, hit me the Tuesday night after she was born. I was so tired of feeling like I had to entertain my mom and I badly wanted to get to the part where it was just the three of us, our little family. Thankfully, she was leaving the next morning, so I didn’t need to wait long.

But when she did, I sobbed quietly while my husband sat next to me, handing me tissues and rubbing my back making sure I was getting it all out. I knew I loved Violet but I still hadn’t had the “rush” of emotions that the media makes us think will happen. I had hoped that after she left it would come, but it didn’t. Maybe it happens to some women but it never actually happened to me.

I just know she’s my little nugget and I love her more than I could ever properly express. I’ve learned not to overthink it too much and to just be content in that knowledge.